Short Story: What happened to all the love?

What happens when the person that you love, does not die, leave but is simply lost. What happens with the love that you shared? Where does it go? Does love find news homes in new souls, or does the love inside you change alter, mutate become something other? Does it disappear slowly over time, leaking from your pores like water, before the well finally runs dry? Or does it shift from one person to the other, a new love taking the place of where the old love was, replacing the stored memories with new ones? I can’t justify loving someone that is lost, nor can I justify not loving someone that is here, so where is it, all that love that was shared?

I can say that I love him still; his departure did not teach my heart to forget. I can say that I know what it means to love. I would say I felt regret about being heartbroken now that the object of my affection is gone but I don’t, my heart is delusional in its patience as if he will return, breathing new life into this love affair I have paused since his departure. My mind understands, it does not accept but it understands. But my heart, hopeless and illogical, stubborn in its inability to see reason is patiently waiting, a timer not set, no end date required. But time will not wait for me, and though my heart is steadfast my head knows the truth.

Though the truth is slowly fracturing my heart, I will not bring myself to remember the past with regret. I have been in love and have been loved, wholly unconditionally and without restraint. I have loved and been loved deeply without abandon, cared for so sweetly that my soul has been imprinted upon. This phenomenon is rare. I know what I had was real. Even if I was only able to taste heaven for a moment, I am a believer for life, I have been converted. Even though only I know, even though I have no discernable evidence, I believe. I have lived in that feeling for an infinite moment.

Is it enough to believe in love, even if you are no longer in it? You have seen Heaven, but now you are on earth once more, so is it enough? Is it enough to know that it exists even if you can’t have it ever again? What is the point of love if when you scour the world forever you may only be a silent witness. Or is love, akin to a treasure map, a wondrous prize we hope to find one day, never really knowing what we will do when we reach the X on the map, is love about the possibility, about the hope of it.

When I was in love, I was afraid and content. The emotions warring within me. Part of me was afraid of how much I had given of myself to another person, and how much I still wanted to give. How integral they had come to my way of life, how they had woven themselves into the fabric of my existence, my happiness a fragile ball they protected just as much if not more than I had. I was astounded and suspicious. If love felt like this why wasn’t everyone falling? I knew the answer before I had even asked the question; to be in love was to be afraid, because this person, this piece of your soul could leave, or die or break you in ways that you would never recover. It is terrifying, and the more you feel the more afraid you become, but your heart does not cease loving because of fear, and I found that John Donne was right, winter will not abate the springs increase. There is no capacity for love, it just keeps expanding and expanding, the heart forever growing, gorging on the love it keeps taking, its appetite insatiable. It can’t stop, it won’t stop and a part of you marvels at the feeling. A little slice of heaven, immortal in our love for each other.

I was content because here I had what everyone was looking for and I had found it almost accidently, without really searching. It wasn’t happiness, although there was a lot of that or sadness though there was some of that. Love to me is being perfectly content. My body at an equilibrium where it wants for absolutely nothing because it had found it in him. He wasn’t perfect and nor was I but somehow we had found peace and I was content.

Even though I lost him, my love, our love is everlasting. That love that we shared was soul deep. I can convince my mind that he is gone, my heart may never believe, but my soul? That I have no control over, that is his, there is a space inside my soul that will always be his no matter who I end up with. He will own a piece of my soul and I will own a piece of his.

Advertisements

Short Story: Galactic Confessionary part 5.2

4-Angel-art-_by_jasonengle

“You are not afraid?” He asked curious, turning to the side, she had pulled a curtain across the partition, rightfully assuming that a glamour would never work on an Angel of his age.

“Should I be?” She whispered.

“Yes,” Seth said and he heard her heart rate jump.

“You know I will never give them up even if I knew where they were.” She said her voice impressively steady despite the rapid beat of her heart. “Your trip here was wasted.”

“O,” Seth said softly, “it was not, Guardian Angel Zachary and his Rubarian consort Ka’ya are inconsequential, you are who I came for half-breed.”

Seth felt the flurry of her thoughts against his mind, but they still remained indecipherable.

There were a few moments of silence, where Seth tried to read her thoughts again and the confessionary took deep even breaths.

“I will go willingly; you don’t have to harm my friends.” She said firmly.

Surprised at her easy compliance Seth stood up and walked out of the booth.

When she turned to face him, Seth took a step back; she gave him a perplexed look and glanced down where he was gripping his sword. He let the blade go as he quickly recovered his composure.

“Your name?” He said unbelieving of what he was seeing.

“Shosana.” The half-breed stuttered.

Cassandra get in here,’ Seth thought quickly.

He felt Cassandra’s confusion but she obeyed his command. Cassandra ran in, poised for battle and skipped to a stop in front of Shosana. When he saw the look of absolute shock on Cassandra’s face when she glanced at the half-breed, he knew he could not allow the others to see her.

Higher Angel, is she? She looks like –

Stop, guard your thoughts, her mind is exceptionally strong.

Cassandra nodded slowly as she stared at Shosana with open fear.

Seth placed his hand on Shosana’s shoulder; she began to fall unconscious to the floor before he caught her.

“Seth,” Cassandra said still staring at Shosana, “Higher Angel is she?”

“Yes,” Seth said.

She’s the offspring of one of the nine original Archangels.

Short Story: Angel’s at the o2 part three

 

“I remember the last time I watched a horror movie. I got prayer duty for two years! Two years! Can you imagine!” she said incredulous.

“That’s nothing, Gabriel got hell duty for a century for sleeping with a married female”

They both started laughing, an appealing sound that made Aria start laughing along with them, she suddenly felt like dancing or maybe singing it was strange.

“Prayer duty?” Aria asked, when she had finally stopped laughing with the angels, a few onlookers had wandered closer and were grinning broadly, not realizing that there were two Angels just waltzing around discussing how to defy God by watching a horror movie.

“Oh, well what a typical human” Dorian said dramatically “You think God has time to listen to all of you whiny humans – I want…I need…blah blah blah, you humans are always asking for something”

“Yeah, there like ‘if you get me out of this situation I promise I will…’ and you know they won’t, you humans think the world is just earth, the universe is huge. God has loads of children to look after, God can’t listen too individuals all the time” They both start laughing again.

Aria stared at them transfixed – they where so frighteningly beautiful that she couldn’t seem to look directly at them, they exuded a strange aurora of power and she didn’t know what all she knew was that she hadn’t felt this happy or confident ever.

“Hell duty?” Aria said laughing again, the few onlookers had become many, people were just standing around laughing along at what the angels said.

“You don’t want to get that!” Cassandra said emphatically

“I thought Satan was banished to hell forever for defying God” Aria said confused.

“Satan? O you mean Luci? Angel Lucifer to you of course, he is back in Heaven of course, don’t you humans learn anything we try and discretely teach you?” Cassandra said.

“Forgive and Forget” The angels said in unison

“God forgave him?” Aria said bewildered

“Arrogant as ever” Dorian said

“He was forgiven?” Aria repeated stunned, the other onlookers began to murmurer in amazement.

“O come on it’s been like millennia, of course God forgave Luci, and he is an Angel. What kinda of God would keep a grudge for that long?” Dorian said indignantly

“So who’s in hell…is…” Aria began slowly

“Er, I think it’s Norgaglan” Dorian said

“O yeah the ceptlian, but she kinda deserved that, going to Kandor for revenge, if you ask me she got off lightly. Only four centuries”